The latest was with my son. Since I’ve been milking my condition to get out of doing everything, I think he needed me to justify my disability. So he wanted to know exactly what was wrong. Since anything that happens in my life is seldom of interest to him, I was anxious to explain.
But before I get into our conversation, I should review a few rules to follow when effectively dramatizing a physical condition. First, it’s important to throw out a term no one understands. In my case, that’s “rotator cuff.” If you don’t have “MD” behind your name, this only adds to the intrigue.
“Is it your rotator cuff?”
“Would I sound cool if it was?”
The next rule is to use a term that people equate with something painful. I have a great injury for this. I was able to tell him I have a bone “spur.”
Just picture a cowboy on a bronc and I sound tougher already. In his mind, I envisioned where I must be on the scale of awesome.
Last but not least, use a reference with theatrical effect. I explained that the spur had expanded to the point that it was impinging on the soft tissue below it. Then I explained how on the MRI it looked like it had been sharpened to a point so each time I moved my arm it would…
He stopped me. Right before I got to the finale.
“What?” I said.
“Don’t go any further.”
I’m guessing my “Psycho” reference of feeling like I was being stabbed over and over and over would end drastically. At what point would he just gag? There’s a challenge: could I make him?
Is this a good time to bring up my episiotomy?
~
Back to home. |
| Review of The Aliquot Sum |
For more of Cindy, stalk her at the links below or
read her first novel, The Aliquot Sum, written for the new-adult genre. Readers call it "50 Shades of Cowboy." It's
currently in pre-production to be major motion picture!
I have a bad shoulder too. Technically I think it's my neck. I may have a slipped disc somehwere up in there. Anyway, usually it's not too bad but sometimes I'll feel my left hand go numb and then it's oh no, here comes the pain. On bad days the pain will be so bad I can't move. Any position, sitting, standing, laying down is the agony of a thousand cranky toddlers stabbing my in my neck and shoulder with red hot fish knives.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that. Fortunately my problem can be fixed. If it couldn't I can't say I'd be happy to simply "manage" it. But in the meantime, the mileage I'm getting is unsurpassed in the history of whining. Thanks for reading!
DeleteOh sorry for your shoulder.. You must take care of it and let your son know in the simplest of fancy terms :P
ReplyDeleteThank you. When my family gets tired of my "long" recovery, I'll share your advice with them. You rule!
DeleteI find myself sometimes in competition with those I'm talking with about who has the worst medical problem! What a joke! I try to stop myself whenever I catch myself doing that!!! Please take care of that shoulder, and no, don't really need to hear about the episiotomy! Ha ha! Lisa, co-host AtoZ 2015, @ http://www.lisabuiecollard.com
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you on the competition thing. That's usually why I try to approach it with humor. People get competitive! I'm glad I don't have the worst medical problem. And I don't plan to. Thanks for reading!
DeleteThis is so funny except for the part about your shoulder. I had the episiotomy conversation with my son when he was 18 and he gagged and begged me to stop.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why he passed out when his daughter was born...
That's hilarious! I guess giving birth kind of took the gag out of me. Actually I don't know if I ever had it. Maybe it's a female thing. Thanks for reading!
DeleteThat's hilarious.. and well, sorry for your shoulder! Thanks for sharing! :) Cheers!
ReplyDeleteGlad you laughed. That's all you can do. Thanks for reading!
DeleteHahaha! I'm not sure there's ever a good time to bring it up, but keep it in your back pocket for a good time. Your ace up your sleeve, as it were. Happy A-Zing!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading. It is a great ace to have. I guess I should just bide my time.
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