Changing the Beat of Baseball

If you’re not a fan of baseball, you’re probably equally confused by the new rules.

Wait. I guess that’s obvious.

When I don’t know what people are talking about, I always feel better when someone starts laughing.  Laughing along is the best way I know to fake it.

Hey, sounds like my honeymoon.

But is there anything funny about screwing with the timing of baseball?

I just enjoyed my 52nd birthday. I like the pace of middle age. Obviously the management of the MLB doesn’t because there’s a new “pacing” paradigm in the big leagues that threatens to turn a relaxing afternoon into a frantic Twitter tweet.


The big change? Inning breaks are reduced to a max of 2 min/45 sec.

How am I supposed to catch a nap? Hell, it takes me longer than that to get to the bathroom and back. Every inning.

In addition, an official representative attending each game will operate the timers. And fines will be imposed. Will they also cite me for drooling? Would that photo-op compete with People of Walmart because something has to?

Another rule is batters can’t step outside the box between pitches.

I’d like management to stand at the plate and take an Aroldis Chapman 106 mph fastball high and inside and let me know if they need to step back for a breather. Or a stiff drink. Or to change their underwear.

My eyesight has its own motto: "items in mirror are closer -- or not -- than they appear." I’m a 52 that now spins like a 45 with special insoles and bunions. There is no hi-def in my future. My eyes can’t possibly keep up with the speed of balls in play. I go to the game to enjoy the comradery, the scenery and the posing at the plate.

For Pete’s sake this is Chase Utley’s last season. Give an old woman time to focus her binoculars. Hell, I’ll forgot where I was the moment I hit the parking lot. What’s a few more minutes between friends? All that manly muscle may just be worth the wait. 

Stand behind me. Or behind Chase. It's a much better view.

~~~
Back to home.

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14 comments:

  1. I actually know almost nothing about baseball :P I know, weird...But I would stand behind Chase.

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    1. Elodie, Chase is a "fan" favorite. You're a great self-publishing resource. I love your blog but couldn't figure out how to comment so I gave you five-stars and "likes." I'm so techno-savvy! What am I missing?

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  2. I am SO ready to stand behind Chase! Four more days:)
    The rules just get more and more ridiculous. Are politicians running
    the game?

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    1. What's up with this, huh? Less time at a game means less time with Chase. Abominable.

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  3. I haven't followed baseball in many years (since the last time Canada had a decent team) and I hadn't heard of these new rules. I can absolutely understand wanting to speed up the game, but 2:45 between innings is REALLY short, and not being able to step out of the box at all is ridiculous. Are they really that strict?

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    1. It's harder to talk about the last time Canada has a decent team but much easier to talk about when they had a great player. In Roy Halladay. So sorry to recruit him. If it's any consolation, his profile at MLB.com shows him in a Blue Jays uniform. That's kind of cool. Thanks for reading!

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  4. Good grief, who'd have thought they could speed up baseball, the prince of long, drawn-out games? I went to college down the street from Fenway Park. The seventh inning stretch was my favorite part of the game. Thank goodness my kids follow soccer. It's pretty straightforward. We love a good flop!

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    1. I never watched soccer until the World Cup. Those guys are great actors! The drama and the faking humored me. Or is that just the players who are struggling who fake a foul? Is that what it's even called?

      Thanks for reading.

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  5. LOL - yes, I do believe the minimum acceptable time should be that in which you could focus the binoculars. With the new pace there will be no need for the seventh inning stretch - people will hardly have settled in.

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    1. This completely works against any intent to get a quick nap in the sun. Thanks for reading!

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  6. Can't say that I'm a baseball fan but I have no problem with studly guys. Visiting here from A to Z. Thanks for dropping in Under The Porch Light.

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    1. Thank you Delores. How fortunate it is that there are multiple venues for studly guys to grace our view. Thanks for reading.

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  7. I had not heard about changes, but they sound pretty darn ridiculous. And pointless.

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    1. Just as long as my binoculars don't fall under those damn stalker laws, I'll be fine. Thanks for reading!

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